Steps to a successful marriage
Stacy McCarthy, Outpost Staff
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Photo by Stacy McCarthy |
"A wedding is a day, A marriage is a lifetime."
This motto of the Catholic Engaged Encounter encompasses the idea behind the weekend-long retreat held for engaged couples. The weekend is about 44 hours long and occurs every three months. The weekend consists of twelve presentations by one of the presenting couples and a priest, a separation from your fiancee to write responses about the presentations and a couple's dialogue session about the written responses.
"Catholic Engaged Encounter was created to help couples develop the foundation for a life-long commitment in marriage", Dan Speth, an Engaged Encounter presenter said. "By giving a clear demonstration of the components involved in a successful marriage, the organization hopes to decrease the rate of divorce and increase the sacrament of marriage."
Each presentation revolves around a single idea concerning marriage.
- "Encounter With Me", provides the means for discovering "who I am" in order to accept and love yourself before being able to fully love another person. This is the only presentation that is directed to the individual, rather than the couple.
- "Encounter With We" describes the constantly recurring cycle of romance, disillusionment, and joy that all couples experience in their relationships. It is meant to show that love does not depend on feelings, but a decision based on responsibility and commitment.
- "Openness in Communications" encourages couples to trust, take risks, and to accept each other. This section also provides rules for arguing fairly.
- "Signs of a Closed Relationship" examines how preconceived ideas of marriage can affect a relationship. It demonstrates how marriage means growing with each other, not just living together.
- "Called to be One" demonstrates how marriage is seen as a vocation, called upon by God. Couples learn how to strive for oneness, rather than just happiness.
- "Marriage Morality" teaches couples how to be life-giving, rather than emphasizing prohibitions.
- "Decisions in Marriage", demonstrates how to make decisions in a relationship.
The suggested five step process:
- Prayer
- Discernment
- Mutual Agreement
- Mutual Responsibility
- Re-evaluation
My favorite section, "Sexual Intimacy in Marriage" helps the couple understand sex and sexuality as part of God's plan and the intimacy required to build a coupleís relationship. The next presentation ,"Becoming a Family", focuses on the formation of family values, the impact of children, and natural family planning. The "Betrothel" helps couples understand their commitment to the church and prepare for a lifetime of marriage, rather than the wedding day. "Planning a Life-Giving Marriage" helps the couples prioritize their goals as a couple, rather than as individuals. The last section, "Forgiveness in Marriage" instructs couples how to forgive each other and reconcile their differences.
The itinerary listed above is an overview of the weekend. Thirty couples participated in this weekend and several appeared to have enjoyed it. Kevin and Angie Malone felt as if this weekend changed their relationship and their life. They decided to become a presenting couple, to share their fulfillment with others entering the sacrament of marriage. However, I was not as blessed by the weekend as others. I felt it was too long and repetitious. I was writing the same mumbo jumbo each section. I feel that I already know my partner, obviously, we are getting married. Although, many couples felt like this weekend brought them closer together and helped them understand what the commitment of marriage is all about.
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Rules For Arguing Fairly According To The Engaged Encounter:
- No name calling
- No third parties
- No past history
- Stick to the subject
- No cheap shots
- Don't go to bed angry
- Maintain a sense of humor
- Hold hands while arguing
Posted April 5, 2000
Copyright 2000 Nevada Outpost
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